Gaur Gopal Das book - Life Amazing Secrets Book Summary
Summary of Life's Amazing Secrets By Gaur Gopal Das
Life's Amazing Secrets - How to Find Balance and Purpose in Your Life
Introduction
We are the authors of our own life stories. Challenges and difficulties may fall upon us, just as the monsoon rains fall upon our head. We don't seek them or solicit them. They just came our way. We must choose how to respond.
From a young age we receive methodical education in a variety of areas and fields, but happiness is usually not one of them. To live a happy life, with integrity and with balance, is one of life's amazing secrets which is revealed in this book summary. There are simple principles that can be used by anyone to experience a sense of satisfaction.
Do you ever feel irritable or frustrated? Do you ever feel that life isn't going your way?
Do you ever feel that there is a key part of your life that needs attention? If the answer to any or all of these questions is a yes, it's a sign that your life is probably out of balance.
The secret of life is finding balance: not too much, not too little. Just as a car balance on four wheels, we must balance the four crucial areas of our life:
1) Our Personal life
2) Our Relationship
3) Our work life
4) Our Social contribution
As we balance ourselves externally and internally, it is fundamental to our success that we never let go of the steering wheel - our spirituality. If all the wheels are in proper alignment, if the air pressure in the tyres is optimal, but we do not have the steering wheel in our hands, we still will not be able to reach where we want to go. It was Buddha who said, 'Just as a candle cannot burn without fire, we cannot live without a spiritual life. 'Spirituality, in whatever genuine from of practice, bring purpose to our life and gives us a destination an existential crisis, when we feel that we do not know where our life is taking us. It is at those times we must hold the steering wheel of spirituality tightly and press on.
Gaur Gopal Das and on of his friends, Harry navigating the traffic in Mumbai, talked to each other, during this time he asks for the mantra of Human's situation & happy life
Seeking beyond the Obvious
As you become successful, do not forget the keys to happiness. We all focus on External Achievements, but we are happy inside that we forget to check that every behind the smiles,
everyone is going through personal struggles we know nothing about.
Nelson Mandela said 'As I have said, the first thing is to be honest with yourself. You can changed yourself … Great peacemakers are all people of integrity, but humility.'
The Journey Begins
A friend who listens to our problem and discus with us, this is the beginning to getting a solution. A friend of Gopal Das Harry is also stuck in his life and asks Gopal Das what should I do. Gopal Das think is not right t ask question. This is because any direct advice given by them turns into a 'magic spell' that if followed will provide 'guaranteed results' because Gaur Gopal Das said so. Making choices in life is like buying something at a shopping mall.
The sales assistant may show us all the products available, telling us the pros and cons of each of them, but we must make the choice in the end. The final decision is our responsibility.
Gopal Das responds to every question to Harry not as a guru but as a friend. He says 'We all have three things in common: we are all stuck, we all have a journey to complete, and we all have a destination.
'There is a traffic jam within our minds,. And that traffic jam is stopping each one of us from reaching our true potential. Imagine if we knew how to clear this disruption. No fumes of insecurity causing us to cough, no one honking at us, distracting us from what's important and plenty of fuel to sustain us so that we can a life worth living.'
There are four principles that form the foundation of a happy life. They aren't based on any label we place on ourselves and apply to all, whether we're monks or married, young or old, rich or poor, atheist or religious. They are not dependent on nationality, race, gender or profession either.'
WHEEL 1 PERSONAL LIFE
Growing through Gratitude
We must find positivity in the bleakest situations and live by the principal of gratitude.
Michelle Obama said 'We learned about gratitude and humility that so many people had a hand in our success, from the teacher who inspired us to the janitor who kept our school clean and we were taught to value everyone's contribution and treat everyone with respect.'
We must have a positive state of mind when dealing with problems. Think: Is there anything positive about this situation I am in? Being positive does not mean we neglect the negative.
We must constructively deal with negative situations whilst simultaneously focusing on the positive.
Just like our tongue can be obsessed with something stuck in our teeth, our mind has a default setting to be obsessed about the negative. Gratitude is a state of being that allows us to see the positive. It comes from realizing that there is good in the world, that some of that good is with us and that those good things are coming from an external reality. That state of consciousness imbibes us with positivity
Even in times of difficulty and sorrow, we can feel inner strength, when we are grateful for the support of caring friends and family.
Press Pause
Stop and reflect on your life regularly. Pressing the pause button to practice gratitude is the way to make it a constant in your life. Leonardo da Vinci said 'I love who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. 'Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death .'
Press pause and reflect on what we are grateful for. It is not good enough to say that we are busy to be grateful. If we do not press pause, how many beautiful moments of our life are we missing?
The ways to start practising gratitude are: to recognise the good that has been done unto us and say 'thankyou'; to remember the good and mean it; and to reciprocate through actions of giving back and live by the same values. You can be grateful for anything something as simple as someone smiling at you, giving you a seat on the train, or a co-worker buying you lunch.
We cannot repay every action of kindness towards us, but we can start with the people closest to us. Pick one of you weekly gratitude action points and act on it. Did you thank your partner for cooking your dinner? Did you thank your mother for washing your clothes? Did you thank you partner for paying the bills? And importantly, what action you will take to thank them.
Write it down and feel the happiness you felt when the good was done unto you.
The writing a gratitude log daily, which is based on three principles of gratitude: recognize, remember and reciprocate.' Gratitude is not merely an emotion; it is a way of life which can be learnt and practised. We must prioritize the time to practise gratitude, and one of the many to do it is by writing a gratitude log daily.
Why Worry
Some thing in life are beyond our control. When we are in the situation, we feel overwhelmed
as we try everything in our power to control it. But that is useless!
When things are beyond your control and there is nothing you can do, why worry?
Leo Buscaglia said 'Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy.'
The founder of WhatsApp did not get jobs at Twitter and Facebook when they applied, which worked out in their favour in the future. Hence, what we see as bad at one point in time can turn out to be the best thing to happen to us.
What we see as bad at one point in time can turn out to be good for us, and what we see as good at another point in time can turn out to be bad for us. Most thing in life are beyond our control; we should not judge any situation by its face value. Whatever situation may come our way, analyse: Is this in my control? Regardless of the answer that follows, the reply should always be, 'Why Worry!'
It is incredible how the mind works. At one moment you fear for your life, and a second later you are entirely peaceful.
Think: Is this in my control? If yes, you can do something about it. If no, then you cannot do anything about it. Therefore, in both circumstances, why worry
Spiritual Practice
'Sometimes when we get engrossed in a problem, we feel trapped in our own minds, 'I said. 'In that state, we constantly regurgitate our issues, causing us a lot of emotional pain. A spiritual process gives us the ability to come out of this mental loop and helps transform the greatest difficulties into opportunities.'
Spiritual practice is the foundation of our happiness. It guide us in times of turmoil and grounds us in times of joy. Thich Nhat Hanh said 'Meditation can help us embrace our worries, our fear, our anger; and that is very healing. We let our own natural capacity of healing do the work.'
Spirituality is based on the premise that we live in the world, but we are not from it. Many of our problems lie in not understanding our fundamental identity: we are not human beings having spiritual experiences; we are spiritual beings having human experiences. It's impossible to realize this principle theoretically
The simplest way to explain spiritual practice is to describe the hierarchy of connections. At any moment, we can be making three kinds of connections:
Outside ourselves: The majority of our time is spent in connecting with the world networking, relationships, our work. It's all crucial, but can lead us astray if we have if we have no inner direction. The fear of missing out, thinking that the grass is greener elsewhere, and living a life out of balance are all symptoms of having incorrectly prioritized happiness outside of ourselves.
Inside ourselves: Beyond our everyday lives, many look for solace within. People struggling with life, those trying to work on themselves to conquer the external world, those curious about their inner world, and occasionally, a few of those seeking the truth these are the types of people who will take the journey within.
Above ourselves: Those simply voyaging within can get frustrated by the their lack of progress or direction, They can feel as though they're on a ship travelling at 70 knots per hour, but without a compass. Connecting above ourselves means re-establishing our relationship with God, or something higher than ourselves. God is One, and is identified differently across differently cultures. Therefore, it is not about connecting to my God or you God, it is about connecting to our God.
Many people practise prayer, a simple yet deeply effective method to become self-realized.
I do practise prayer, but my preferred method for developing spiritual strength is through meditation.
Through meditation we become the best version of ourselves. 'Meditation becomes difficult because of our mind is like a restless monkey, always jumping from one though to another.
It does not become peaceful just because say so. It needs to be controlled. Therefore meditation is a discipline that helps us control the mind.
WHEEL 2 RELATIONSHIP
Speaking Sensitively
We should deal with each other sensitively; our attitude towards life affects how we act in our relationships. Solomon said 'A gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger.'
We must be sensitive with our words and actions. Being sensitive means to think about how the other person may feel before we say or do something.
How do we practise being sensitive? We must treat even inanimate objects with consideration and respect. If we do not, then the mentality of insensitively may become a part of our general attitude. One's instinct or general attitude does not discriminate between things and people. Treating things badly can affect our attitude negatively, which may percolate into our relationships.
A Virtuous Vision
There are many ways to perceive others. We should start choosing the one which magnifies the positive and avoids the negative.
'Anyone can find the dirt in someone. Be the one that finals the gold.'
- Proverbs
'The bee teaches us so much, I said, as a thought came to my mind. 'They are always looking for the nectar that flowers possess and avoid lingering where there is dirt. We should be like the bee always seeing the best in people and choosing to avoid their faults.'
I have learnt that there are five different ways we can perceive people in our relationships. Let me tell you a bit more about it.'
Type-1: A Person Who Cannot See the Good at All
The first type of person only sees the bad and tends to magnify it out of proportion. Possibly arising out of spite, dislike or insecurity they just cannot see any good qualities that another person may possess. At much as you may try to explain to them about someone's goodness, they refuse to change their opinion. They see a speck of dirty on someone's face and look at it as if the entire body of the person were bathed in mud.
Type-2: A Person Who Sees Both, the Good and the Bad, But Choose to Neglect the Good
The second type of person sees the good and bad in people, but make a conscious decision to neglect the good and focus on the bad. Like some people have selective hearing, people of this type have a selective mindset.
Type-3: A Person Who Sees the Good and the Bad and Is Neutral to Both
The next type is a person who sees good and bad in others; s/he doesn't focus on the bad, but is unconcerned about the good as well. Such people are disconnected from everyone and everything, either due to their Self-absorption or indifference, and they just don't care. It is nearly impossible to find such a person.
Type-4: A Person Who Sees Good and bad, but Consciously Chooses to Neglect the Bad
Then there are those who see the good and bad but consciously choose to neglect the bad and focus on the good. It is tough for people to live by this as they have to make the conscious effort to stay away from the natural human tendency to see the bad. It can take a lot of work to continuously see the good.
Type-5: A Person Who Cannot See the bad at All; They See the Slightest Good and Magnify It
This stage can only be possible for God, or for one who has reached the heights of spirituality. To see only the good in someone's character, or to magnify the slight good to the point where it overshadows their ills, is a great feat but one which is impractical for most of us to follow.
The ideal state for our relationships to flourish is to came to stage four. The human condition is such that we love to gossip about the faults of others; we open our eyes and see only dirt. However, with practice we can come to the stage of seeing both the good and the bad, and consciously make the decision to focus on the good and neglect the bad.
Reaching the fourth stage takes consistent hard work and practice.
Correcting Cautiously
Corrective feedback can make or break our relationships.
'It is strange that sword and words have the same letters. Even more strange is that they have same effect if not handled properly.'
Anonymous
Investment before Withdrawal
" Our mutual funds and our relationships have one thing in common: we must invest in both before we can withdraw. " and this is how it is many times we forget to invest appreciation
and love into a person before we correct them. This can leave them feeling demotivated and not cherished. Learning the art of appreciation is vital for building healthy relationships.
'Only when we invest in people can we correct them. Sometimes this is done strongly, but
we are all human. Mistake happen and tempers are lost. But if our investments in others are strong, if we give them the care, love and appreciation they deserve, these little withdrawals
come across as sprinkles of rain and not as torrential monsoons. This does not mean that we never give corrective feedback, but we need to learn the art of doing it correctly.
Corrective feedback is an art. It has four principles.
Ask yourself:
- Am I the right person to give corrective feedback?
- Do I have the right motive to give corrective feedback?
- Do I Know the right way to give corrective feedback?
- Is the right time?
Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a complex concept. We must understand it thoroughly to be able to internalize it. Martin Luther King, Jr said 'Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.' Forgiveness is a deep and often obscure value to understand.
The principles we should know about forgiveness are.
Look beyond the situation: If we are hurt by someone's words, try to understand why they spoke them. When people act harshly towards us, most of the time they are suffering too. This is empathy.
Separate the episode from the person: Rather than being affected by the emotion of guilt by saying, 'I am wrong,' or anger by saying, 'You are wrong,' we should separate the I or the You and deal with the wrong.
Higher purpose: Can we forgive based on a higher principle?
Justice: On a personal level, we can forgive the person who may have wronged us, but on a societal level, there should be strict justice to create an orderly society. No one should be able to break the law and get away with it in the name of forgiveness.
Association Matters
Your association, called sanga in Sanskrit, is crucial to your success, in the world and beyond.
Our relationship are stronger when they contain a spiritual component. There are three different ways to become good friends with someone.
We can broadly divide these into three different principles:
The first principles - dadati pratigrhnati means giving and receiving. Intimacy in our association begins with giving and receiving For example In the modern day, share something even more valuable, like our Wi-Fi password! And the person may in turn reciprocate and return the favour in the future.
The second principle-bhunkte bhojayate caviva- which means 'exchange of food with each other', takes our association to the next level.
The third principle-guhyam akhyati prcchati- means we start revealing our heart in confidence and listening to the other person's revelations in confidence. When someone pours out their heart to us, we are not only understanding their point of view but subconsciously also being influenced by their values and beliefs.
WHEEL 3 WORK LIFE
Competition Crossroads
At work we tend to compare and compete with others, instead of comparing with ourselves.
Steve Jobs said 'Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn't matter to me. Going to bed at night saying we've done something wonderful … that's what matters to me.'
There are two causes of unhealthy competition, being envious of someone or uncontrolled ambition. We compete with people who have the same skills or outlook in life as us. An engineer competes with another engineer, a musician with another musician and a doctor with another doctor. When another person's skills have no bearing on our life, we rarely feel
threatened.
Competition is found in all sphere of life. Some examples include sports, business, politics and the workplace. Healthy competition is about competing with ourselves rather than others to become a better version of ourselves. There will always be workplace policies but we should learn how to marriage it in a clean way.
Self- Discovery
To find your purpose in life, you must go on a journey of self-discovery.
Paula Coelho said 'Sometimes the warrior feels as if he were living two lives at one... There is a bridge that what I would like to do, he thinks. Slowly, his dreams take over his everyday life, and then he realizes that he is ready for the thing he always wanted. Then all that is needed is a little daring, and his two lives become one.'
You can only compete with yourself if you have a clear idea of your potential, your capacities
and certainly your limitations,'
Understanding Ourselves
We have to understand ourselves to be able to compete with ourselves. What are our tendencies? What do we like? What do we not like? Where do we want to be in the future?
These are only a few preliminary question we need to answer to succeed. And this process of inquiry begins our journey of self-discovery.
Ikigai
We all need to find purpose in our life, which has been linked with longer and happier lives. There are many psychological models that can aid us on our path to living fulfilling lives, one of which is the Japanese concept of ikigai. Ikigai English mean 'a reason to live, or having purpose in life.
According to this concept, to find purpose in life, you have to answer four question:
- What do you love?
- What are you good at?
- What does the world need?
- What can you get paid for?
Decoding Spirituality at work
'Spirituality helps declutter your mind. This clarity gives you the ability to understand your purpose at a deeper level. You don't have to become a monk like me to practise spirituality!'
There are many misconceptions when it comes to being a spiritual-minded person and being successful in the world.
One is that spirituality kills our ambitions and zest to achieve. This is false because spirituality just changes our motive to achieve. It makes us want to be hugely successful so that we can have the resources to help others. The story of Krishna and Arjuna in the Gita explain more: Fight and achieve to help other, but be internally content in your personal life.
Another is that spiritual people get walked over in business because of their values.
Though we can make as much money as we desire, and use it to serve, we should be wary of its potential to distract us from our purpose.
Integrity and Character
Spirituality helps develop good character. It is character that shines bright when words fail to do so.
'Live your life in such a way that those who know you but don't God, will come to know God because they know you.'
-Anonymous
Good character has the ability to change lives. It has to do with our actions, not our words.
The principles of developing character are:
- Vichaar: The philosophy that we seek answer from . This helps us understand how life should be lived, and how spirituality should be practised. These concepts, in turn are the universal lighthouse principles that guide us towards living a life of value.
- Aachar: Based on the philosophy is the physical action which leads to a transformation in our value system and helps us develop good conduct and character.
- Prachaar: The good conduct of a spiritual practitioner inspires other to have faith in the philosophy and values of spirituality. Without having to giving a single sermon, we can reach out to many just by being exemplary and having good character. What great men do, common men follow.
WHEEL 4 SOCIAL CONTRIBUTION
Selfless Sacrifice
You can be completely selfish, completely selfless or any of the combinations in between. Life is a journey from being selfish to becoming selfless.
The Ice Cream and the Candle
The ideology behind the ice cream is: enjoy your life before it melts. It symbolizes hedonism;
to savour every movement of your life through personal enjoyment.
On the other hand, the candle is symbolic of another ideology: to give light to other before it melts. Both ice creams and candle melt, but their reason for doing so are completely different.
The candle is formed from wax. Its very essence is burnt just to give light for other people to see. This is selfless nature of a candle.
We must be wary of compassion fatigue. This means we must have all our wheels balanced as we try to help others. This is the principle of being selfishly selfless.
Family First
The first step in selflessness is to practise it with our family.
Desmond Tutu said 'You don't choose your family. They are God's gift to you, as you are to them.'
People may help out in their community, or at temples or schools, and some may even make sure that have helped. But at home, they may not express the same service mentality.
I believe that selflessness starts at home; with the ones we love the most.
Our circle of selflessness should not end with our family. We should help those outside of our immediate care and affection too.
The Nation Narrative
We can increase our scope of selflessness beyond our family by serving our community , city or even nation. David Green said 'You need an attitude of service. You're not just serving yourself. You help others to grow up and grow with them.'
When we expand the circle of selflessness, we can effectively serve our community and nation. This is shown by the heroic efforts of the soldiers who keep us safe, and the civil servants who help run our nations.
Service Brings Joy
In Sanskrit, service is called seva. Adding a spiritual element to our seva can make it more fulfilling. Based on our connection to God, we utilize our skills and potential to serve others.
Muhammad Ali said 'The service you do for others is the rent you pay for you room here on earth.'
From spiritual practice comes seva : 'The true symptom of someone who is experiencing genuine love for god is that they experience compassion and pain for the suffering that people go through in this world'.
We have to do the right action, with the right intention and the right mood for it to be classed as spiritual.
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